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Satirical Commentary on I Want a Wife

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I Want a Husband Essay

I am what most people would refer to as a husband. And, not surprisingly, I am also a father. A few weeks ago, one of my female friends divorced her husband of over 15 years. She had two children who, naturally, remain with their father. She is now looking for a new, younger, more attractive husband. One night as I was sitting at home massaging my wife’s back, it suddenly hit me that I would also like a husband. And why, exactly, do I want a husband?I would like someone who can work to meet all the financial needs of me and my children. He must have a stable, well-paying career because it is my duty to stay home and raise the children, even though they spend most of their time at school anyway. While I may have to bake cookies for the school fundraiser or make brownies for the soccer team, it is my husband’s responsibility to drive us to these events and cheer for the children because I couldn’t possibly risk losing my voice in such a harsh manner. I want a husband who will teach the children how to play sports, fix a car, or work any new technology in the house. I want a husband who can help the children with their homework because anything above arithmetic and beyond basic US history is too advanced for me. I want a husband who will get up in the middle of the night to ease the baby back to sleep while I get my beauty rest.I want a husband who is romantic. A husband who will never forget an anniversary and often surprise me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers sent to the house. I want a husband who won’t mind me gossiping on the phone or the fact that I sometimes forget to tell him his boss called because I was too busy trying to figure out who’s sleeping with whom around the corner. I want a husband who is perfect physical physique. He’ll have to go to the gym every day to keep his shape, but he won’t mind that he can’t hold me to the…...

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